This is Geb
after he tells
one of his
- For their silver wedding anniversary,
Geb’s wife wanted him to take her some place special where she had never been before. So Geb took her to the kitchen.
- Geb sells computer networking equipment. In fact, he would like to sell you some updoc networking equipment.
(You're supposed to say: "What's updoc?")
- Geb says that the last hotel he stayed in the towels were so fluffy he couldn't shut his suitcase.
- "I liked growing up with the Crew,” says Geb. “Those 3 years in the 8th grade were the best years of my life."
- Geb says his wife is so fat they had to take an aerial photograph of her for the family album.
- When Geb stayed in Terry's master bedroom during the '89 reunion, he said to Terry, "I gotta leak in the bathroom sink."
Terry said, "Go ahead."
- On the flight down to Danny's wedding, Geb says the movie was so bad that he walked out.
- And on the way back, he met his wife at Newark Airport. She was sniffing bags for Customs.
- When Geb had the sex talk with his son, he warned him about the evils of masturbating. "Don't do it," he said,
"or you'll go blind!" His son said, "Hey Dad. I'm over here." And when Geb went to the doctor for his annual check-up, the doctor told him, "You need to stop masturbating."
Geb asks, "Why?" The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
- What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.
- One night, after dinner, Geb’s wife asks him to take out the garbage. He responds “You cooked it, you take it out.”
- Geb: "My wife is beginning to show her age. I took her to a Plastic Surgeon to see what he might be able to do. After a one hour consultation, he decided the best thing to do for my wife was to add a tail."
- Geb remembers the Jass family from Cromwell. He says the Dad's first name is Hugh. (Sorry Geb, but this joke first appeared on the Simpsons).
- There was a winter where Geb got off the phone with a friend living in northern Ontario, who said that early one morning the snow was nearly waist high and still falling, with the temperature dropping and at about -15 degrees and the north
wind increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
- What's this? Fee-fi-fau-fo-fum. Answer: a black guy trying to say his zip code.
- Geb recently went horseback riding. Everthing was going great until some kid came over and pulled out the chord.
- What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
- See someone who will remind you of Geb and his jokes
- Check out Bill Murray and Steve Martin in Family Feud
Non-Geb Video Clips
If you know a Geb joke (or story) that's not up here, please send it to Harry
- Check out Jerry Seinfeld's take on immigration
- Check out these video clips from the old Saturday Night Live show
- Click here to see Marion (Karen Allen, Harry's favorite movie actress) blow cigarette smoke in a Nazi's face in Raiders of the Lost Ark
- Have a happy Festivus.
- Hear Wagon Wheel
- Hear Steve Martin singing "King Tut".
- Hear and watch the Darlings on Andy Griffith, as well as Whoa Mule
- Hear and watch Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi doing the Blues Brothers.
- Watch Gilligan's Island
- Watch F-Troop
- Watch Star Trek parodies here and here
This is from Tier: Here is a true happening. Back when Geb and
I first met in 1960, we were playing on a dirtpile while Wilson's house (Dennis Cresens house) was being built.
A worker came up to us and says " What does your father work for?" Geb responds "Mepco". Then he says to me "And
what does your father work for?" I responded "Money."
Here is another story about Geb: Once Geb and Bag were playing Joe Mannix with Bag's pellet gun near Jack Kramer's house. That is, Geb would try to dodge the pellets Bag was firing at him.
All of a sudden, Geb popped up from behind a bush and shouted, "Bag, don't shoot!" But Bag shot anyway, shooting out Geb's front tooth
with the pellet gun. Geb, however, told his mother he broke it when he fell down running somewhere. Mrs. Gebhardt
wanted to know where, so Geb said it happened on Wedgewood Lane, where she subsequently took him to look for the tooth.
They never found it.
Did you bring any Terry dollars?